Eragon Spoof - Flashback Ch.5

-- Durza: Give me the egg!!!
-- Arya: No!! I will never surrender!!! *runs the crap outta there*
-- Durza: After her!!!!
*Urgals grunt and give chase*
* Shade climbs onto random high cliff and watches as 3 urgals fall wounded, and the elf running away from the rest. He examines the ground below and jumps.*
-- Durza: Aaargh wedgie!!! *landed on branch*
* Gets up and jumps down again *
-- Durza: S#!7 my ankle!!!
* Arya sees him and skids around *
Urgals: roar!!! Get her!!!
-- Durza: LoL u can't escape
Arya: >(
-- Durza: Don't glare, it's rude.
* Arya takes out egg and sends it away in a flash of green light *
-- Durza: Nuuu!!! Why do you do that anyway??
-- Arya: It's my hobby, okay?? This kid from Carvahall runs around the Spine collecting every stone I send there, it's quite amusing actually ... oops, shouldn't have said that >.<
-- Durza: Carvahall!!!!
-- Arya: He found it, you PPHHAIL!!!!!
-- Durza: Garjzla!! * red flame ball shoots towards Arya and she collapses *

(Narrator) And so Durza fails miserably, but now he knows the location of the egg... and even Brom's secret hiding place... D:

Brom: Damn it, Arya, you just had to tell him, didn't you??
Arya: Now we're even >(
Brom: I'm going to get you!!!
Arya: Too late, Durza got there first.
Durza: *happy face*
Brom: I never liked that elf. Vomits out whatever happens to be on her mind.

(quote) Murtagh: He vomits out whatever happens to be on his mind at the moment... (quote)
(Narrator) Lolz sound familiar??

Brom: *le gasp*!!! Arya has a brother in Gilead!!!!
Eragon: ... I hope he won't kill me for hitting on her
Arya: I don't have a brother for goodness sake!!!! And Eragon, seriously, it not happening!!!
Eragon: You're such a meanie Arya
Galbatorix: LoL you expect him to defeat me?? Ha!!!
Nasuada: I hate you. I really do.
Galbatorix: You're such a fangirl.
Nasuada: Am not!!!
Roran: She's a fangirl?!
Eragon: Hmm... in the first book, not so much the others. A little, maybe.
Nasuada: That's it, you get 100 whips beside your cousin!!! D<
Eragon: Ohnoes!!! D:

(Narrator) So that's when Saphira's egg miraculously appeared in the Spine and made Eragon fail with his hunting. Meanwhile, the traders come to town
<random music>
You better watc-

Shut up!!!! No more Christmas carols!!! You had your chance when Roran went to town!!!
<random music>
You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You bet-

I said shuts!!!! Now, where was I?? Oh, yes. The traders. And Eragon and his family go as well, and while Garrow is away shopping for ... well ... what?? I'm not sure. But anyway, Eragon went to Sloan's house and tried to trade a polished rock half the size of Saphira's egg for some meat.

Sloan: I thought I was supposed to come in much earlier, and the boy was supposed to try to give me the blue rock!!!!
Horst: Oh deal with it Sloan, you're not important enough to appear earlier.

(Narrator) Sloan kicks him out, cursing him for bringing stuff from the Spine into his shop, and continues to polish his perfect piece of meat. Yeah, that's right, he likes to polish meat. Weirdo.
Anyway, after that, Eragon goes to listen to Brom tell stories about the dragon Riders.

-- Brom: Galbatorix killed them while they were unsuspecting, and when the last one, Vraal, fell at his feet, he anointed himself King over all Alagaesia... *sad face*

Selena: Oh, don't cry honey...
Eragon: Mummy!!!!
Murtagh: Ur evil. I don't likes you anymoar >(
Selena: D':

(Narrator) Dude!!! Don't interrupt!!! And anyway, doesn't 'anointing' mean like pouring oil over your head to become king?? That's so stupid. It'd stick for weeks, what's the point, really??

-- Brom: Anointing is so that if we threw a torch at him, he would die. Anyway, as I was saying, and don't interrupt again -
-- Eragon: But it wasn't me!!! It was my mummy!!!
-- Brom: *ignores comment* ...And from that day, he has ruled us.
-- Eragon: No way!!! That's not true!!! *tantrum*
Brom: Honestly, that guy is my son?! o__O
-- Garrow: Eragon, be quiet. Everyone's staring. Hush, don't scream like that.
-- Eragon: Waaah!!!!!!

Eragon: That didn't happen!! No way!!! Did you edit this or something?? Seriously!!! I don't cry!!!
(Narrator) Of course not!!! Okay, maybe a little. I gave you blonde highlights ... but other than that, no. And everyone knows you cried!!! You cried when Garrow died, when Brom died, when Arya rejected you, when you thought Murtagh died, when Ajihad died, when you passed through Yazuac, whe-
Eragon: Enough!!! You edited all those scenes!! I never cried!! It's unmanly!!!
Arya: ... and yet you wonder why I won't go out with you
Eragon: *blush* I don't cry!! Really!!!
Arya: Yeah right, you cried at the Agaeti Blodhren when I refused to-
Eragon: No!! Seriously I wasn't crying!! I mean, there was sand in my eye!! It was stinging and eyes emit water to wash it out!!
Arya: -.-

(playback) "His eyes brimmed with tears. "How can you be so cruel??" "
...
"Then she strode past into Du Weldenvarden. Now the tears spilled down Eragon's cheeks and dropped to the moss below, where they lay unabsorbed, like pearls strewn across a blanket of emerald velvet. Numb, Eragon sat upon a rotting log and buried his face in his hands, weeping that his affection for Arya was doomed to remain unrequited, and weeping that he had driven her further away."

Eragon: You edited that!!! I wasn't crying, I was .. um .. just destroying stuff, like a man does when upset!! I don't cry!! *eyes sparkle from unshod tears*
Galbatorix: Your true name seems to have the word 'cry' in it.
Eragon: (D You're looking for my true name!!!!
Galbatorix: Why wouldn't I be?? I need more Riders.
(Narrator) Awha!!!! You need 'riders'!!!! Hhaha!!!!
Brom: Oh, you sick minded litle-
(Narrator) Heard it before.